Best Friend.

“I never carried out my threats”, she said. “They were as empty as I am now”. Looking at her I didn’t know why she would say that. She is always so full of joy. Of life. People around me tell me that she is such a fun person. What happened? Do people live such false lives? Do they show the world what they are not? And why does she tell me this? Thinking, I realise that she is my reflection. My very own. My best friend. She is so much me that it would be like we are one. I would face her everyday and know that she is telling me the truth even if she lies to the world. She is at her worst with me and I take her brutal honesty in my stride. I feel sorry for those who don’t have a best friend like mine or me.

Places crowded, minds crowded, beings crowded. Not an ounce of space to think, ponder over what one has become. Hypocritical, materialistic, existing. It’s only when the ghosts come visiting that one breaks. I know I don’t need anything to know myself. I just have to look at her and face my demons. It feels good to know I have someone to be absolutely truthful to. Honestly I could not lie to her even if I wanted to. She would know and smile and look at me hoping that I would be as honest with her as she is with me.

But when did the change happen? Weren’t we talking about her being honest? Well, but if I speak of her, then I speak of myself. You see, we are one. Almost.

Shattered Dreams

He came, he saw and he conquered. Her heart. Her soul. He lay the world at her feet. Calling her ten times a day to tell her how much he missed and loved her. He was the stuff her dreams were made of. She couldn’t wait to get married to him. They did and he slapped her. Hard. Shocked she wondered if it was her fault he turned from a caring man to a violent one. She waited and hoped. But the days were filled with accusations, abuses and beatings. She didn’t recognise the man anymore. He was her nightmare. She feared him and loathed him. But couldn’t leave him. She didn’t know how. She was told marriages are meant to be kept not broken. So she endured him while her dreams lay shattered around her. She was one of those women who carried on with their lives hoping that it would one day be the ideal one. The one they always dreamed of.

You and the World

What can I offer you or the world? My unremarkable personality, which impresses nobody. My mind, which has stopped ticking for quite some time. My physical being which works without tiring trying to prove itself that it has a long way to go before it collapses. My silence, which has increased through the years and will continue to do so. My unfulfilled desires which rages within me but has no outlet to express itself. My calm exterior which was alien to me some years back but now is a friend. My moodiness, which has become second nature to me. My fears that everything is passing by without giving me a second glance and it would be too late before I make anything notice me. I cannot give you any of those which you or the world likes except the things which nobody notices anyway. My care, my love, my forgiving nature, my ever changing priorities, which include you and the world first and then me. So if you have to go away, I wouldn’t be able to stop you or the world because these might not be the things you or the world needs since big time achievers are the flavour of every season. I am no achiever but at least I know what I have gained in my lifetime. You and the world even if it was for a short time.

Each Day

Each day is a revelation. Each day reminds me of what a fool I have been. Each day reminds me of the betrayals. Each day also reminds me of the lucky escape I have had. Each day reminds me of the scars of betrayal and the ultimate healing. Each day reminds me not to lose faith and trust again. Each day shows me the divine in humanity. Each day reminds me of my vulnerability and strength. Each day reminds me to laugh and never to cry. Each day reminds me of bigger problems others face. Each day reminds me of the Big Guy who looks over me and never lets me down. Each day is such a blessing that I need to thank those who remind me that I am indeed fortunate.

Three little words

Falling sick. Remembering. Three little words. Makes me feel happy. Sad. Am touched. Hurt. Happy. Depressed. This is what I want. Don’t want. I have it. But I don’t. I can touch it. I can’t hold it. Arms hurt. Empty. Heavy. Those smooth cheeks. Dimpled smile. Sweet. My hair. Her fist. My neck. Her cheeks. My chest. Her head. My eyes. Her face. Near. Yet far. Forever. Never. Maybe. Hoping. Waiting. Sometime. Three little words. Mine. Happy ever after.

Promise

“Why do people break their promises?” She asked.
I looked at her wondering what she was getting at.
“What did I do?” I asked in return.
“Oh nothing just… are promises like New Year resolutions which can be made on the eve of the New Year and promptly broken on the New Year’s day?”
That started me thinking. Right she was. Was it so casual that it had no meaning? A momentary weakness or an opportunity one cashes on?
I have made promises which I have kept to the best of my ability.
Is it easier on your conscience to lead someone on and then look straight in the eye and lie about it? Shrug looking away.
Questions that I would not know the answer to. Looking around me I looked at the people who are close to me and asked them did I ever break a promise to them. No replies just perplexed stares. “Isn’t that the norm”, the eyes asked. “Are u being weird again?”
My friend if I have broken any promises to you I really apologise because that is not my intention. I strongly believe that promises are meant to be kept. Probably that’s why I don’t make New Year resolutions. Not worth it because I can’t keep those myself.